Entertainment Movies

Artemis Fowl Was An Absolute Mess And Here’s Why

I think Disney really did themselves a favor by dumping this mess on Disney+

You know, I’m always super late to the party when it comes to addressing things. It’s not because I’m unaware of things, it’s just because I’m lazy and didn’t feel like writing this article until now. A full month after the release of today’s topic, Artemis Fowl. Now here’s the thing guys, I never read the books so I don’t know how much justice I can do to defend the books but I’ve heard enough to know that this adaptation was kinda a disaster. So much a disaster that it currently has a “glowing” score of 9% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now, I think RT just sucks in general and I don’t really take any of their opinions seriously when it comes to watching movies but for once I will agree with that poor rating. I might not of read the books but from a general viewer, I can see why people weren’t a fan of this adaptation for a variety of reasons. There’s actually a really good commentary video on this from a YouTube channel known as, Swell Entertainment. Here is her video if your interested in hearing what she has to say. Now, let’s dive into the hot mess of a movie known as, Artemis Fowl. Disclaimer: These are just my own opinions. If you liked the film that’s great. I’m just in the group of people that did not. That’s the tea.

This Movie Is A Slap In The Face To The Books

So I’m going to specify and say that I did not read the Artemis Fowl books, however I do know that according to fans of the book, that this movie did not do the books justice at all. That is probably one of the biggest reasons as to why the movie was poorly received. I still don’t understand why studios stray so off from the original source material. So many times, studios make major changes from the books to the screen and it always causes backlash among the fans. I just don’t get it. One of the biggest changes is the film depicts Artemis as less of a villain, deviating from his antagonistic counterpart from the books. In the books, he’s described as being a “criminal mastermind”. There’s a few other differences such as killing off Artemis’s mother (She was in the movie but they cut her scenes and wrote her out of the film entirely), making Artemis more athletic and adventurous, and gender swapping Commander Root (Portrayed by Judie Dench). Another huge addition to the movie that wasn’t in the books is this mysterious powerful treasure known as “The Aculous”. This is a treasure that Artemis’s father previously stole from the fairies way back when and the movie does a horrible job explaining what the purpose of the “Aculous” is. Like what does it do? I’m still confused. Either way, the film did a horrible job at staying true to the source material with the amount of changes they made. There’s even more but I want to keep it as brief as possible because I tend to ramble on. Regardless of not reading the books, I’m annoyed they didn’t try to stay true to the books, I feel like they would’ve had a more successful result had they of tried more.

The Story Of The Movie Falls Flat

The general plot of the movie from the beginning did absolutely nothing for me and it honestly felt like a 2 hour long pilot of a TV show. It didn’t feel like a movie. We start off the film with being introduced to Artemis and his father, who eventually goes missing shortly after. Additionally we are being told the events by the narrator of the story, Mulch (Portrayed by Josh Gad), who is also one of the main characters of the film. He’s being interviewed by the authorities for some reason that I still do not understand. I do not understand really what the purpose was of having him as a narrator, let alone having the film narrated as a whole. They kept cutting back and forth to him telling the story, and it just felt unnecessary. Moving onto the main character, Artemis Fowl. Following his father’s disappearance, he very quickly discovers about how his father hunts fairies and is a “criminal master mind”. We discover that he’s been captured by the main villain of the film known as, Opal Koboi, who is just a faceless villain in a hoodie that ends up being a lackluster villain in the end. Opal wants Artemis to deliver the “Aculous” in exchange for his father’s life. This sets off the chain of events within the film where we are introduced to the fairy, Holly, and of course Judie Dench’s character of “Commander Root”. Let me just say, Commander Root confused me, like her voice was so hoarse. She at times sounded like the villain, Opal. Regardless, Holly ends up going missing, getting captured by Artemis Fowl, for a reason I can’t even remember. Eventually the fairies battle Artemis at the Fowl Manner, planting a “time freeze”.Artemis and his allies then fight the fairies off and him and Holly randomly become friends. Of course, Artemis saves his father and then the movie ends with Mulch getting broken out of being interrogated and leaves with the Fowls to go on their next mission. That’s the movie as a whole and again it was so insanely flat. The climax felt weak, and the scene where Artemis’s guardian, Butler, almost dies, they instantly bring him back which prevents any real emotion from Artemis. The whole thing just felt like a rushed slopped together mess of a movie. We don’t even get much of the villain as Artemis uses the “Aculous” to transport him back to Fowl Manner. I seriously don’t even know what the point of “Opal” was because all she did was kidnap Artemis’s father.

Final Opinion: This Movie Felt Like A Pilot To A TV Show

As I’ve stated before, this movie did not feel like a feature length film. It felt like a pilot episode to a network TV show that would be filmed during “pilot season”. Too many things were left open ended, the main climax/battle of the movie felt insanely flat, and the main villain was not used enough to make them feel like a big enough threat. This would of worked better as a Disney+ original series where they could’ve maybe done 8-10 episode seasons by following the themes of the books. With this being a 90+ minute movie, it prevented them from being able to dive into the lore and world of Artemis Fowl. I don’t know why Disney ever green lit this project in the first place and I think their best decision within this project was dumping it on Disney Plus. Originally this was scheduled to be theatrically released in August of last year but then it got delayed to May 29th however thanks to COVID, they ended up cancelling the theatrical release in favor of a premiere on Disney Plus. I think they knew they had a dud here and decided to throw in the towel, cut their losses, and just put it on their streaming service. Better option that PVOD (Paid Video On Demand) because I don’t know anyone who would want to pay $20 to watch this garbage. I don’t think a majority of people want to spend that that to rent a movie anyway but this movie in particular, people wouldn’t want to spend a dime on. I know that’s harsh but it’s the truth, the movie is simply just not good and lacks any solid foundation. The books in general have faded in popularity so I don’t think this would’ve made much money at the box office, and considering the horrible reviews, I have a suspicion that this would’ve been another flop for Disney.

What did you think of Artemis Fowl? Do you think is was smart for Disney to put this on their streaming service in favor of a theatrical release? Tell us in the comments!

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